Hold your flames for a moment.

What do you guys think of the furry community? If you're involved in the community and actually have a sona (persona, kind of like an avatar or a rpg character), What is it? And if your not involved in any of it, what do you think of it?

I'm kind of curious on this as it happens to be one of my interests. For me I could never settle on a particular sona and had a few people suggest using a dragon for it. My reaction to the idea was negative. As it is, half the time my memories of my dragon past life time feel rather surreal and talking about it with others is already weird enough without them deciding it's a "character." The idea of mixing the two together left a sour taste in my mouth. So eventually I just left the idea of having a sona alone.

Then I started making these doodles of a goat furry, and it just strangely... clicked.

...

To give perspective, in the dragon lifetime my favorite meal was goat.

... Yeah ...

I am not a morning person.

I can however, pretend.

Dad called a few days ago to tell me that through the Realtors office he hired two guys to come in a clean out the attic. This brought up several mental issues. The first being that I felt guilty that I hadn't done that. I didn't want to go up there because that ladder scares me. It bends in the middle and creaks.

To it's credit, it actually held it's own today. Back to the point though.

Next, there is no light in the attic. As it is, it slightly creeps me out to be living in a haunted house, why add to that? And lastly, I have issues with going down inclines. Stairs, escalators, hills (if they're steep), etc. It spikes my adrenaline and freaks me out. Not as openly these days. I think it comes from when I fell down the basement stairs when I was three.

Whatever way you want to look at it, I was glad to hear about the help. Further more, he said they would be coming in the afternoon. Even better. I'm not a morning person. He asked if I could have them put everything in Grandpa's room. Not really thinking about it, I agreed.

The day before arrives, and the Realtors office calls me to say that the two guys will be here Saturday morning at 9am. 9 O'fucking'clock AM. >_@ I asked nicely if there was some way they could come latter in the afternoon, she said no. *Sigh* So I said that was ok.

They got here on time, so that was good. We figured out upon looking at the ladder that the stuff from the attic was not going in Grandpa's room. The ladder takes up most of the hallway. So I suggested the living room. And they started bringing stuff down and I helped. I arranged for a while, and kept expecting them to say, "Well, that's all of it." And waited, and waited. And more, and more.... crap came down.

And I'm not being a dick calling it crap. Grandpa and Grandma kept plastic bags.

I'll say that one more time for you. Plastic. Fucking. Bags.

Apparently, when they say that plastic bags decompose after a while they were right. I just never expected to see that for my self. This stuff shredded to bits of confetti if you touched it. The hallway and living room is covered in little rotting plastic (and rotting cardboard) bits. And they kept bringing more and more stuff down.

There is currently a path one foot wide that leads to the door.

I left a voice message on dad's phone telling him he needs to rent a freaking dumpster. I was, annoyed, when I made the message on his phone, so I don't know how well that one is going to go over.

...

I'm going back to sleep. I'll figure out this mess latter.

So I've been thinking lately about how I'd really like to get back into being a practicing witch. Ever since I started dating my ex my involvement in magick and my studies there in have been lacking. R claimed he was interested in paranormal and magick and whatnot. But what it really came down to was that he was into it as a way to piss off his dad. And there fore not 'really' into any of it. I remember various times where something mildly abnormal would happen (as things are apt to when dealing with a witch) and he would get a barely concealed look of fear in his eyes. It hurt that I had scared him. And so I stopped letting magick into my life as much.

It became less and less, that finally he would scorn me and everything about me if I even seriously mentioned anything in or related to the subject. It was like cutting off a limb. I wanted so badly to be human. ... Well. Pretend to be at any rate. It's very depressing to not have any other dragons in your life when you your self ARE one. I may be stuck in a human body this lifetime but that doesn't mean I'm human by a long shot. I feel like I've gotten myself stuck on a blasted deserted island. I wanted to fit in somewhere. So I caved. I'm actually fairly ashamed of it.

Then when I got divorced to R I just... I went into this kind of apathy. This separation from everything. I miss magick. I miss the weird stuff that happened around me like magnets to metal. I want to get back into the practice and I don't know how.

That's not to say that I think that a coven would fix all of that. And I would have several issues to address as to my internal landscape, but yeah. I wanna meet others of a like mind. I want to join a coven. I want to add my strength to the group that I find (or that finds me) and turn our combined will into something powerful and good. And I want the weird stuff to come back into my life. I always felt like it was the universe winking at me when that stuff would happen. I feel like I've lost a friend.

So I finally have my computer back, and I thought to myself, "Self, why not write in your journal?"

...

Na. Really, I came back in a round about kind of a way. My favorite Inu fan fic disappeared off the net a few years ago when her website closed down. I found the story on media miner but it didn't have all the chapters there. It stopped like at chapter 18 or 32 out of 60 something. So I went hunting. Again. Low and behold, she had a fanfic.net account!

I thought that that was the end of the goose hunt. No such luck. As it turned out, they didn't have any of the smexy-smexy chapters. The bastards. I mean really. This lady writes the hottest Inu/Kag fan fics. Ever. End of discussion. I strongly hope that she goes on to write her own romance novels some day, somewhere. I mean holy fuck, *fans self for a minute or two just thinking about it.* But I digress.

Just as I was giving up hope of ever reading my favorite, and the best Inu fan fic I have ever read to date, I get the idea to check her profile page on fanfic.net and it led me here. All's well that ends well. ^.-.^

On a different note, my story that I've been working on since high school has finally REALLY frustrated me. I've been working hard on getting a feel for all of the characters in there. The main guys, the bad guys, the gods, and then it struck me out of the blue. I have no idea what the community or surrounding scenery is like. Like at all. I worked so hard on the big player characters that forgot to work on the supporting cast.

Fuck.

So, it's a small set back, but I want to do this right. That being said, I now have 5 characters to work on. Which sounds like a lot (and it is) BUT I've already figured out Ema (the heroine), Jaie (the hero), Sannora, Gribb, Gaia (for the most part and hers is a small bit so...), THE King Chaos (hm, ok, so he needs a little bit of background work, but he's mostly done), Astrid -the queen of FUBAR- (fucked up beyond all recognition, really, she's one nasty bitch to fight), the Dark Oracle (the only character who is in my personal opinion, COMPLETELY evil, needs a bit more background, but eh) ...So yeah.

8 down (mostly), 5 to go!

GO TEAM VENTURE! (*snort* sorry, I had to.)

(Names have been changed)

What a day. This thursday we have an executive visit, and understandably my boss and her boss are panicing.

The store is trashed. It's getting better, day by day, and bit by bit. But, it would be going so much faster if either Mina my boss had followed the rules to begin with, or they just didn't do it this would be over and done with. I am refering to their policy of folding paper into the folded shirts to make the "Perfect Fold." Bleh. A stupid waste of time. Messy as soon as customers start shopping, and just plain annoying.

On top of that, I had to work on my day off. *sigh*

My grandpa is in a temperary nursing home. He just got out of the hospital for a major surgery. I don't really know how I feel about all of this.

So I've started my new job as a manager in a plus size clothing store for women. And it's been really nice. Being the smallest size in a clothing store for once has done wonders for my ego.

Insignificant personal things aside though, I've got a question. Every once in a while, and much more often then I'd like, a woman will come in claiming to wearing a size three or four times too small for her. My first instinct is that I've gotta tell them some how some way that they would be much better off wearing THE RIGHT SIZE. Men really don't care, my boyfriend is proof. I'm not even the biggest girl he's dated. There are tons of men who like bigger women, really hot guys too.

Another idea is that maybe some of these women I just in denial after gaining weight and don't want to admit it to them selves that there is a problem. Who knows? Maybe a combo of the two. The point is, these women need someone to sit down and talk to them, but it won't be me. I haven't the foggiest idea of how to help them without getting into trouble or insulting someone accidentally.

As it is when a woman asked me what size is a LX? And I told her it's a size 14 (and it is, though depending on the standards in some stores it can also mean a size 12 if the clothing there runs small *cough-Victoria's anorexic Secrets-cough*), she got pissed, and yelled at the store manager. There's no way that woman was a 14. She was at least wearing a size 22, but she would defend her lie to the end if it meant trying to get someone else in trouble or god knows what.

I suppose there really is no point to this rant. It sounded much more organized in my head.

I have some really good news. I didn't want to jinx it and write about it too soon, but I think it's safe to write about it now. I've been reading the book "Natural Cures 'They' Don't Want You To Know About" by Kevin Trudeau. It's not a weight loss
book, but it's got a lot of stuff in there that you can do to help you lose weight.

One of the tips was specifically to eat raw organic extra virgin coconut oil. Two Tbs, one in the morning, and one in the afternoon. It does about ten different good things for your body, including lowering cholesterol and helping weight loss (there was literally a lot that it did that's good for you, I'm just listing the two that jumped out at me). I've been using the coconut oil for a week now and my tightest pair of pants are getting loose on me. My tightest pair of pants.

I wanted specifically to see if the stuff really worked so I washed and dried the pants making sure to wait to where them until I'd been using the oil for a few days (he said you can see results as early as three days into taking it, and lose up to 10 pounds in one month,) and I wanted to try them on after a wash so they would be at their tightest. I put them on today, and found that the oil does indeed work.

On an interesting note to boot, the coconut oil being organic and such means that you can use it in the three major ways, inside, outside, and on top. Good for you to eat, good for your skin, and good (in small quantities) for your hair.

This is one book that I definitely recommend for anyone who's tried losing weight and got frustrated when it all bounced back a few weeks, months, or years latter. Plus anyone else who just want's to live healthy. It explains so much. Such as the all time favorite of mine, why are the French skinny as sticks and eat fatty foods? Why is it that people from Brazil are like that too? Why is America having such a huge problem with health in general? (Okay, that's a few questions, but they are all linked up to the same problem, and he deals with all of those questions.)

An interesting idea has surfaced.

There is a new wireless bra at my job. It's only going to be there for a limited time. It might not come back at all in the spring depending on how well it does. Only a few of the stores in the whole country have it, not even the catalogs have it. And I have a 20% discount at the store.

My boyfriend pointed out that this is exactly the kind of thing to sell on ebay. And I checked. No one else is selling it.

I'm going to jump into this, and not let myself think too much. Tonight at work I'm going to buy three bras plus I'm going to get a free one that I can sell (I would keep it, but I already tried one on and it made my boobs pointy, so I really don't 'want' it XP ) I'm still stuck though on the sizes that I should get.

The most popular sizes in the store is a 34C or a 34B, so maybe two of each? And the second question would be for the color.

This should be at the very least interesting.

Ok, maybe not really, but it kinda feels like that.

I feel the gears working in my life again. Not that I know where any of this is going, but I can feel something starting to happen. Today I was in a book store with my boyfriend and this book just popped out at me. "eBay for Dummies" My eyes were glued to it and this little light went off over my head with a nice metallic ding. Here is my golden opportunity.

I've been toying with the idea of trying ebay to make money. Not a living or anything (in less I can of course) but just something to bring in extra money so I'm not so dependent on my part time job in the mall. It's an even more reasonable idea because I already do something similar to ebay on a game site (www.gaiaonline.com). True, the profits I make are all in fake money, but I understand the basics. Last summer when I stayed over at my Aunt's house we were talking about the game site, and she said, "Oh, well that sounds just like ebay." And since then it's got me thinking, why make fake gold when I could make real cash?

On top of that, I'm going to be having a lot of free time on my hands in the afternoons. Raf and his dad had a fight, and now he's grounded, for an undetermined amount of time. (Yes, his dad really is that much of an asshole.) So instead of being a grump about it, I'm using this time for constructive purposes.

I've also started writing again. I'm working on a story that I got the idea for in freshman year of high school while I sat board in my gym class. I just got this weird idea, what if the grim reaper was a girl? And from there it just blossomed into this massive adventure story. Minor details have shifted or been rearranged in my head since then, but the basic plot has stayed strong. At first I wanted it to be a graphic novel like the ones they sell in Japan (those are called manga for those of you who don't read the stuff). But as it progressed and I kept running into road blocks for the story I started to give up on it. And for the longest time I've had different people who would say "Why not try writing the story as a book?" And I would brush it off and keep to my stubborn thinking. Finally last semester I caved and tried to see if I could write the opening, just a test, just to see if I even could get the right feel.

It flowed out smooth as melted butter.

I pushed it to the side again, still not quite believing that I really could do the story that way. But the more I thought about it, the more it started to bug me. Tonight I broke down and I've begun to write in ernest. I'm not gonna lie. I want to get this published once it's done. It's the kind of story I would have gone nuts over reading when I was little. Granted, I read at a level 5 or 6 yrs ahead of my age growing up so I was reading different stuff compared to my classmates, but that isn't really the point. I am absolutely thrilled with my self for finally getting on my way to getting "The Chronicles of Life & Death" out of my head, and into the real world. I'm going to be following a style of writing my sister told me about where you set an amount of words and write the set amount every day, no stops for editing, just writing furious and fast.

This is gonna be fun! ^.-.^

I really need to get a new job.

I pride my self on having honor, not a common aspect in this world. But this job I've got is going against the grain.

First things first. Let me explain the job. I work in a vaguely famous low quality lingerie store, also known for it's beauty products and a fall fashion show on cable TV once or twice a year. But I'm not going to name names or anything. *whistles innocently* I will tell you that on testing out the products (beauty, bras, and undies) that they suck. Not like, "Oh well, they're kinda goofy," but full blown, "Dear god, why do people buy this crap?!" The creams do nothing but smell nice, and the cloth used in the store is some of the worst quality I've seen. (Me and my sister have worked a bit with crafting and making clothing). $25 for a pair of slippers that Wallmart could put to shame. Or mayhap the robes (god though I still love them) which are NOT worth $60. That's not even silk. A yard of that should cost something like $3, $4 tops. And I understand that people need to make a profit for it to be worth it to make it, but still. Have we gone so far from being self reliant that we blindly pay and never once question where these prices are coming from?

Yes, yes. Lives are busy, people don't have time (nor the patience) to sit down and learn how to sew. But I find it shocking that people don't question more often.

To avoid going into a very long rant (which I will indulge myself in at a latter time) my point is simply, there are just so many lies I am willing to give to the customers on my bosses behalf. I understand a few are necessary sometimes, but that's not the point. These people come in asking for good bras, and I give a preformatted lie fit for the consumer.

The second part of the problem is the lack of intellect it takes to do the job. I need something to stimulate the brain! Fold the panties, help a customer, fold the same panties because some ninety year old lady who thinks she's a porn star nEEded to look for crotchless panties by throwing all of the neatly folded panties in a heap just to find it's the wrong size draw (all the draws are labeled with the sizes in big bold letters), finish refolding the pantie draws (taking 3 hours to complete -yes it Does take that long- only to get distracted for a moment turn back and find everything in heaps and piles. Again. And again. And again.

All I ask for is something that can give me a challenge (preferably skipping the customer service racket for the rest of my life). Something where I have to think to get a job done.

*bangs head against the wall of minimum wage*